lahlouh. photos. thoughts.

Friday, April 16, 2010

goddamn this weather. makes me so lazy.

Monday, April 12, 2010

fun fun fun with layers

i love them all but i think its a bit much to post them all one facebook.

today's findings

solo days are usually good days. today was a great day. found a potential new hobby as well as a cute coffee spot :)

i think like him.. sometimes. nothing to be afraid of, well unless, nevermind. anyways i love this fucking show. thank you facebook for popping up and reminding me of this amazing man. i wish there was a girl version of the shirt.

too bad i have a million of these pics exceptttttt im not in space, im not in a n astronaut suit, im not floating, and i dont have that sweet camera. damn, its ok think future future future.

hahaha

too good. theres a whole website with clever logos like this one. :)

so great.

side note. i hate cats.

end it on a light note.

today was a having posting day. got a lot of my chest. so much to do in the morning. thought this was a clever enough place to leave you.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

incredible

how can the world be so incredible? reminds me of how interconnected we all are. all in all life is good. must be the good ole caffeine :)

miss chub cheeks with guest stars

grandma

mommy

zip me up.

oh soulmate, where art thou?

future is looking sweet.

this is the future of cameras. although i love the old school way of things im ready for the new. im ready to see what the new cameras, tvs, phones, computers and other forms of technology will be. i have always had mixed feelings about keeping things retro looking especially when i spend time with my grandparents. on dry summer afternoons at my grandparents house in syria, i find myself restless while the rest of the country and region are taking their afternoon nap. often i peek my head in my grandparents room where i can hear them tossing and turning. my grandma sleeps lightly and notices me and moments later signals me to come into the room and lie next to her. i lay on my back beside her as we discuss random topics. most recently i find myself asking her questions. questions i know that when their generation passes i will no longer know the answers to. i ask her how life was before. before technology, before materialism, before when life was simple. she begins by telling me how much change she has witnessed in her life. she saw her families members travel abroad and speak of the radio where from one location you could receive instant news from several different countries. or the tv which mysteriously displayed images that told stories and provided entertainment. she goes back in her memory and tells me how she used to live. growing up her family was quite large and life was about the collective. nobody had their own room. own clothes. own anything. we did everything in groups. all the woman of the family cooked together, raised their children as if they were siblings. home belonged to several families and unity was necessary. the most entertaining thing to do was gossip. they were simpler times. times where all you had was your imagination and your friends. now we have computers, cameras, phones and many other distractions that make us ignore what once was. i feel like im growing up in a generation that can no longer be alone or in silence. we use the internet to constantly be entertained. we communicate non stop. life is better slowed down. back to the basics. i wish i lived life the way my grandparents did. hearing her talk of all this gave me a mental picture of how it was. knowing that my grandma took the time out of her day to talk to me. really talk to me about concerns and where she sees my generation headed was incredible. nothing short of how i wish everyday passed. i want more than anything to be able to share this post with her and tell her how much i appreciate her sharing her experiences and memories with me but i know that this is not the way to communicate to her. ill have to wait until summer again, one day when im restless during the hours the rest of the region is asleep and slip into her room to have another life changing conversation with her. nothing is better than knowing how important you are to them. ill forever try to provide hope that not only is our generation evolving but with the proper education about the past and a solid set of morals and ethics we too can have our "old school way" to the generation ahead of us.

homeless

i have mixed feelings about the homeless. i see how it can be a vicious cycle and hard to escape and easy to enter but i firmly believe when there is a will there is a way. being here in montreal im realizing although not all of the reasons why there is so many homeless people is because of laziness, an overwhelming majority of it is. they get paid a good amount of money to maintain a minimal lifestyle and receive free healthcare as well as occasionally housing. i just feel its a bit unfair for all the people here who work so hard and get taxed an extreme amount of money just so it can be handed off to somebody who hangs out in metros stations during the day and then going home to their apartments at night with the bare necessities met by their government and fellow citizens. it sad how comfortable people get with the bare minimum. although living in a constant competition like we do in the US may not be healthy, i genuinely feel like its better than being satisfied with making zero effort to improve yourself and the world around you. this mentality will never bring you to your full potential. i have always found that i am in a constant need for more. more, better, best, is the mentality i grew up with and although its not necessary to have all gizmos and gadgets i have i feel like now its a good thing to always strive for improvement in everything you do.

although this is slightly off topic, i feel as though it relates. im constantly recognized for having a strong personality and im not sure if its nature or nurture but i do know that it has its pros and cons. the reason why i bring this up is because i feel my personality is what has made me into who i am today. my strong persona is due to my firm and earth shattering belief in the strength of family. my family has always meant the world to me. i often define myself by my placement in my immediate and extended family. family also is loosely defined as the people i share my blood with and the people i have chosen to surround myself with in life. i am the middle child of my immediate family, older sister to my younger sisters, young sister to my brother, daughter to my mother and father, confidant and best friend to my mother, clone to my father, hope for the future to my grandparents, close friend to my aunts, cousin-sister-mother-voice of occasional reason to my cousins, loyal friend to my best friends, alternative view of the universe for some people but most of all i feel as though i have been a carrier. carrier of feelings, opinions, weaknesses, strengths, emotions. the definition of carrier from dictionary.com is:

to take or support from one place to another; convey; transport: He carried her for a mile in his arms. This elevator cannot carry more than ten people.

to wear, hold, or have around one: He carries his knife in his pocket. He carries a cane.

to contain or be capable of containing; hold: The suitcase will carry enough clothes for a week.

to serve as an agency or medium for the transmission of:The wind carried the sound. He carried the message to me.

with all of these duties and positions to fill i have never found time or energy to give up. i have my occasional let downs that recently have become more and more frequent but with out a doubt i have the most amazing family/friends a person could ask for. sometimes i get down and negative thoughts spiral and become more than just a passing thought. they turn into bitterness. ever since i was a child my mom has told me that bitterness and grudges create serious problems in your life and are terrible to harbor because they tend to infest. she followed this with, "life is too short to be bitter. live happy and be thankful for all that you have" although this advice seems so basic and ancient that i cant even give this inspirational quote an author, i love being reminded every once in a while how much i have to be thankful for.

when encountering the homeless or even worse, a somebody with such little faith in family i remind myself that my family is great because of what we have made it. we have worked to become as close as we are. everyone individually feels like the black sheep but in essence we are all our own person and have extremely different personalities, views on life, and aspirations for the future. one thing we all share in common is our view upon family. my grandfather left us with such strong foundations that even after his death we have gone through so much but really we are closer. we are not the superficial family on the street, living our lives in constant rainbows and happiness. we have real problems that we find real solutions for. this is what keeps me going. keeps me from being homeless. homeless to me means without a foundation and my core foundation is my family. i thank u all individually for all you have done for me and aunty ivonne one day ill find the answer to your question of, "whats the solution?" today, these are just my thoughts.

a friend of mine did a project on the homeless for one of our assignments at brooks. he photographed the homeless and asked them to write what their idea of home was. this was my favorite example.

©mattia balsamini

teach me your ways.

im so inspired by images like this. i dont know what they would be used for other than blogs but they make me so incredibly happy and for some reason i want to be able to think this creatively on the spot. hopefully i will be able to develop images like these in the near future. anyways just thought i would share such a cool image.

i need to focus

i need to produce work like such. i need inspiration. im finding it in pics but not around me and im puzzled why. montreal is a beautifully diverse city with lots to offer but im finding it really hard to find genuine beauty in all my surrounds, or i find it but i cant capture it which is equally frustrating. im feeling more and more like a amateur photographer and its such a shitty feeling. tomorrow i want to start fresh. embark solo and find the beauty this city has to offer. i will also start blogging compulsively again. ironically i miss it even though i know few people read this. so much to post so little time..